


when you were young

by NoShipsLikePartnerships



Series: 1day1newmann challenge [3]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Movie: Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018), Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24048847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoShipsLikePartnerships/pseuds/NoShipsLikePartnerships
Summary: Newt finds himself back in his childhood bedroom on a Sunday afternoon, surrounded by his past.(Day 3: Childhood, written for the 1day1newmann challenge)
Relationships: Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb
Series: 1day1newmann challenge [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1728742
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	when you were young

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm a few days late with this, but work has me pretty exhausted lately. So I think I'll just be... doing these at my own pace.
> 
> I originally had this idea after seeing [this fanart](https://chalkstardust.tumblr.com/post/184932945024/lunarinferno-iconic-moments-in-the-90s) on tumblr a while back, but never got around to writing it. It's the only fanart that's actually made me cry. So I wanted to write a 'fix-it' of sorts to make myself feel better. 
> 
> Title from 'When You Were Young' by The Killers

Newt finds himself back in his childhood bedroom on a Sunday afternoon, surrounded by his past.

Initially, his dad and uncle had wanted to come and see him the moment he was officially cleared by the PPDC, but Newt hadn't been ready. It wasn't that he didn't want them there, he just didn't want them to see him like _that_. While they hadn't completely understood, they respected his decision, agreeing to phone calls, and then video calls when Newt felt comfortable enough to do so. He'd promised he would come visit once he felt like he could. And, well. Here they are.

It's kind of funny, in that the house feels smaller than it used to, but maybe that's just because he's bigger than he used to be. They look different, too, his uncle a little heavier-set than Newt remembers, his dad a little thinner. Both greyer, too (though Newt's already started noticing a few grey hairs of his own). He'd been pretty nervous on the way over—Hermann continually reassuring him that it would be fine—but Newt shouldn't have worried. Jacob and Illia hadn't hesitated to pull him into the tightest hugs possible the moment he stepped through the door. There were a lot of tears all around, but mostly the happy kind.

He and Hermann have been there for a week, now. It's been really nice, catching up, and just generally... existing, in a place where Newt's always felt safe and loved. He's also discovered that doing things around the house really helps him to relax. Chores like sweeping, dusting, or even doing the dishes, that he can focus his energy on. He's more than happy to help, and they're more than happy to have the help. But more than anything, they're just happy to see him, and the feeling is mutual.

This afternoon he's decided to go through his old toys and stuff, to see what he wants to keep and what to give away. Newt's a little surprised that they kept his old room the way that it was, but they've always been a little sentimental like that, especially his dad.

Naturally, Newt's recruited Hermann to help him out. They're each working on one side of the room (Newt's got deja vu), with the two piles of already-sorted items in the middle.

"What about this one?" Hermann asks, holding up a blue Furby. Newt makes a face.

"Gah, that thing's probably cursed. Put it in the 'give' pile. Or maybe just burn it."

Hermann does not burn it, but puts it aside with the other things they'll be donating later.

"And this?"

"Dude, no, are you serious? That's a 1998 Trendsmasters' Godzilla, it's a collector's item! _Definitely_ keep."

Hermann rolls his eyes, though Newt can tell he's fighting back a smile, and places it in the 'keep' pile, which is clearly bigger than the 'give' pile. "That's the third time you've said that."

"Only because it's true!"

"If you're just planning to keep everything, you could always move back in," his dad suggests from where he's leaning against the doorframe. Since they've been there, he's hardly let Newt out of his sight (Newt is secretly grateful for this). Illia's been almost as bad—earlier, Newt had to insist multiple times that he'd be just fine while his uncle went out to do the groceries. "I mean, the place hasn't been this spotless in years."

Newt shakes his head fondly. "Dad."

"I know, I know. But it was worth a shot."

He honestly does appreciate the offer, but thinks that it's better this way. The past few days have been good, which Newt is glad for—he isn't always that lucky. Recovery can be a bitch sometimes, and he'd rather his dad not see what the bad days can be like.

But he's not here to dwell on that, and returns to the task at hand.

Even as a kid, Newt wasn't exactly organized. There are action figures on his desk and nightstand, stacks of novels and comic books on the floor, and what more or less amounts to a mountain of stuffed animals in the corner.Newt reaches into the collection and pulls out another one, gasping softly as he recognizes it. The plush Pokemon is old and worn-looking, and patched up in several places where it had been damaged.

"Do you remember that one?" Jacob asks quietly.

Newt runs a finger along the stitches, and nods. "Yeah..."

He'd been ten years old, and new at school. Not just at school, but in the States—his dad and uncle had only just recently moved with him from Berlin. He hadn't made any friends yet, and had started carrying the toy around with him for company. He'd loved the damn thing unabashedly—he'd been a huge Pokemon fan, and Charizard had always been his favorite, so it shouldn't have been a surprise that his bullies chose to take it from him.

They'd already teased him for his accent (which he quickly worked to lose), for his glasses, for being a bit on the chubby side, for being the smartest kid in their class. They were just looking for an excuse, really.

By the time he'd managed to get it back, it had been torn in multiple places, its stuffing sticking out, and Newt had returned home in tears, clutching the poor stuffed animal in his arms. His dad had sewn it back up once Newt explained what happened.

Newt never brought it back to school again after that.

"I wasn't... I wasn't strong enough to stop them," he whispers, as his chest constricts, and tears spring to his eyes. He sits down on the bed, the old toy held tightly against his chest. "Guess some things don't change, huh?"

"Oh, Newt." Jacob crosses the threshold into the room, and sits next to Newt on the bed, wrapping an arm around his son's shoulders.

"I wasn't strong enough then, and I wasn't strong enough after, and I... I don't know if I'm strong enough _now_."

The last few months have been... well, they've been _rough_ , honestly, but he's made a lot of progress. He knows there's still a long way to go, though, before he can answer well-meaning questions like "How are you?" with "Fine" and actually mean it, instead of being on the verge of a breakdown.

Case in point: he is trying _very_ hard not to cry right now.

"Did you know," Hermann says, moving to sit on Newt's other side, "that as a child, I was _obsessed_ with the Power Rangers?"

Newt turns to him. "You were?"

"Where do you think I got my love of giant robots?" Hermann smiles wistfully. "Once they started developing the Jaegers, I desperately wanted to be a pilot."

"Yeah," Newt says, "that makes sense."

Hermann's smile fades a little. "They used to tell me the same thing. That I wasn't strong enough. But I found another way to contribute. I showed them they were wrong. And so did you. You're stronger than you think."

"It doesn't feel like it," Newt sighs. He's been damaged, too. Stitched back together again, sure, but the seams still show, if you look closely enough.

Once again, someone bigger had cruelly taken something important from him. Except that this time, it was his life. All those years... he was fucking _robbed,_ and he's still so _angry_. Everything he'd worked so hard for—his career, saving the world—and for what? It almost feels like his life's the punchline to some sick cosmic joke, at this point. And it's not _fair_. Which is, maybe, a childish way of thinking, but it also happens to be true. He doesn't deserve what happened to him.

Newt wants a do-over, but knows that isn't actually how life works. You can't go back to the past, not to your childhood, not to any of it. All that's left is to try and make the future better.

"Hermann's right," Jacob chimes in, giving Newt's shoulders a squeeze. Newt leans into the touch, closing his eyes and pretending, just for a moment, that he really could go back again. Then he lets the moment go, opening his eyes, and looks at Hermann.

"You know, I think we probably would have gotten along as kids."

"You mean better than we did as adults?" Hermann teases gently.

"Oh, definitely," Newt says, then remembers something else. "You used to get picked on too, didn't you?" He'd seen it, briefly, back in the Drift.

"I did."

"If we'd known each other then, we could have stuck together. Backed each other up."

Hermann's expression turns mischievous. "Perhaps if I'd had my cane back then, things would have gone differently."

"Yeah," Newt laughs, remembering the fight in the elevator at Shao Industries. "Those bullies wouldn't have stood a chance."

"Indeed," Hermann agrees, clasping Newt's hand. "We make a good team."

"Gosh, you two are just so _cute_ ," Jacob proclaims, and reaches over so that he's hugging them both. "You found yourself a good one, my boy."

Newt can feel his eyes begin to well up again. "Don't I know it."

The front door slams, followed by a shout.

"I'm back! You guys wouldn't believe how long I had to wait, it was like people had never seen food before!" Newt can hear the rustling of grocery bags, as Illia presumably deposits them onto the counter. "Hey, where is everyone?"

"In here," Jacob calls. There's the sound of footsteps coming down the hall, and then Illia pokes his head into the room.

"What's this? A group hug without me?"

"You guys," Newt laughs wetly, as Illia marches over to join them, pulling all three men into a bear hug. Hermann makes a startled sound, and even Newt's a bit surprised at his uncle's strength. "Uncle Illia, I can't breathe."

"Then you'll die smothered by love."

Newt snorts. "That's not a thing."

Illia loosens his grip enough that Newt can get air back into his lungs, but he's still holding on tight. They all are.

Newt finds himself back in his childhood bedroom on a Sunday afternoon, surrounded by the three people he loves most in the world.

And an old friend. Through all of this, Newt realizes that he's still holding Charizard. Hermann notices, too, and looks down at it, then back up at Newt.

"Keep?" Hermann asks softly.

Newt smiles. "Keep."

**Author's Note:**

> I firmly believe that Newt loved the 1998 Godzilla movie, and definitely owned some of [these toys](https://godzilla.fandom.com/wiki/Godzilla_\(1998_Trendmasters_Toy_Line\)).
> 
> I also realized halfway into this that part of it's a little similar to the last one I posted, but... hopefully not by too much lol (Newt just deserves all of the hugs, okay?)
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr @chalkstardust and twitter @kaijublueberry


End file.
